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Bad Luck One Liners humorous one-liners, quotations, last words, Murphy's Laws & more VideoPen and watercolour demonstration
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I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two bo How do you know if a rabbit's foot really brings good luck? Go ask the three-legged rabbit. My Mom's favorite joke There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck.
She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result become terribly overweight.
This made it more difficult for her to ac A blonde was down on her luck In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you. A 13 month old baby breaks a mirror, giving it 7 years of bad luck.
The good news, his mom is an anti-vaxxer. I've got no luck with the ladies One time a girl texted me come on over there's nobody home.
I went over and there was nobody home. I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.
In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil.
I would know that feeling anywhere. In round two, we were paired and had to guess My Life has been nothing but a disappointment. The Last 5 Years looked promising, but no such luck.
After trying My Best, I've decided if One More Thing upsets me again, I'm calling it Quits. Hmm, maybe I should start giving my race horses normal names.
What do you call it when a leprechaun gives you a handjob? A stroke of luck. You're in luck, we just got a job opening.
Ya know, I just hate drawing Welfare. We just got a job opening from a very wealt TIL that Garden Gnomes are a symbol of good luck. A blonde is down on her luck So she pleads to God, "Please let me win the lottery!
I need the money so bad. Please help your faithful servant! Upset, she gets down on her knees, looks up to the heavens with tears streaming down her face and pleads, "God, I beg of y There was a Russian man who was a collector of supernatural oddities.
An American man heard about him, and decided to try his luck at making a quick buck. He arranged a meeting, and presented a thin gauzy cloth to the man.
If you like pee jokes, urine luck Ha ha. They say it's good luck for a seagull to poo on you. It is, for the seagull, obviously, not for you.
A man was down on his luck and in desperate need of a job. He saw an ad in the newspaper about a sales position. He didn't know the first thing about sales, but figured he could learn, and so he contacted the company.
Everyone needs a toothbrush, you should be able A guy walks into an exotic restaurant in Spain Waiter: "How can I help you?
Customer: "What's this? Luck of the jewish means waking around the middle east for 40 years and settling in the only place with no oil.
A guy was down on his luck, and looking for odd jobs He knocked on the door of a house, and asked if they had any work so he could make a few bucks.
The owner said, "Sure, mow the lawn, and when you get done, paint the porch. Millionaire marriage proposal A bachelor Chinese millionaire is on a business trip in Los Angeles.
He has had very bad luck finding the perfect bride in China and had given up hope of getting married. During his business presentation, he sees the perfect bride for him -- she is an intelligent, tall, slender single brunette wit As a scientist, I have been actively trying to develop a cure for beastiality, but I haven't had any luck.
So if anyone needs me, I'll be in my lab. An artist and his wife have been having sex daily for almost two months.
While highly unusual, he doesn't question it for fear of pressing his luck. One day, his wife approaches him. Can you draw a picture for me?
A new CEO takes his seat at the helm of a large corporation He finds three envelopes on his desk, numbered 1 to 3, and a note.
Open them only in the order they are numbered, and only when you face a crisis that you cannot manage. Best of luck" A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met.
He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her. You must be nuts, no way. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a res My luck is so bad that..
Why did the amputee have such bad luck robbing banks? He wasn't armed. A traveling salesman employs a man with a stutter to sell toothbrushes His expectations are low for this guy, so he gives him a couple dozen toothbrushes to sell, expecting him to flop out.
To his surprise, the man returns in an hour with all the money. The salesman chalks it up to beginners luck, and hands the stutterin What do you call someone down on their luck who does stock photos?
A poor business model. A store manager is doing the rounds one day when he comes upon a new employee talking to a customer The customer wants a TV, but the employee says they don't have any so the customer walks away.
The manager, annoyed, calls the employee to his office and tells him "We never say no to a customer. Next time, tell him you need to fetch it from the back.
Then go buy it from the store next door a So he asks the lifeguard for advice. Trapped in a room. A genie appears in front of a man, who then demands the genie grant him three wishes.
The genie, offended, traps the man in a room closed off completely on all 6 faces. An auntie kimber classic. Golf Sports Luck. Characteristics Luck Skill.
Allan Sherman. Situations Horseshoes Luck. Ashleigh Brilliant. Characteristics Life Luck Surviving. Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.
Jerome K. Death Luck. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. Rodney Dangerfield. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.
Whenever we hang out, I remember that God really does have a sense of humor. Read this: 50 Hilarious Comebacks That Will Shut Everyone Up And Make You Look Like A Genius […].
U felt that sizzle of heat on your cheeks and concluded that those […]. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.
You may unsubscribe at any time. I'm starting to think they're bad luck. A Holesome tale between 4 friends 4 men are playing golf together on a Sunday afternoon.
One American, one French, one Spanish and one Japanese. The French man goes first. He misses his first shot, but puts it in the second.
Next is the Spanish man. You should see what happens when you let polar ice caps melt. The guy can't resist making fun of his old classmate and his apparent bad luck with money.
My neighbor's wife is better than mine! I've always felt an irresistible attraction for the neighbour next door. One day, when speaking to her husband, he said: "I need to have my apartment painted, but I work all day and I get tired.
I tried to hire a professional painter but the guy asked me for the an arm and a leg You shouldn't be superstitious about Friday the 13th It brings bad luck.
A mail order bride and the butcher. A rich, American man had bad luck with women and finally decided to find a mail order bride from Russia.
She arrived a few weeks after his order was made, and they got married and lived happily in a rich Connecticut suburb.
Though the poor lady was not very proficient in English, she did mana So Johnny has a gaming system, and he liked to play a certain fighting game But his TV was very old, and whenever he attacked, there would be lines across the screen of the TV.
Johnny sent the TV in for repair, and was excited when he got it back. Although, still, the problem persisted. So Johnny bought another copy of the game, thinking that the problem might A man REALLY has to pee He walks into the restroom of a venue and stands in front of a urinal.
Suddenly he hears a weird sound and looks to his side. There hee sees another guy peeing but with two streams! He asks how that's possible, two streams!
Whenever I have a lot of applications for a single job position, I throw half of them away Sure I might be missing out on a great candidate.
But then again, who wants someone with bad luck on their team. Henry and Janet are about to get married When Henry arrives at the church, he has a big smile on his face.
His best man asks him why he's so happy, and he says "I know it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, but Janet came over this morning and gave me the best blowjob of my life!
So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing The first to play is Jesus. After his swing, the ball land in the lake. He runs towards it, walks on the water and grabs the ball.
Then it's Moses' turn. Bad luck, the same thing happens to him. He walks to the lake, spreads the water into two parts and grabs the ball on the dry ground.
Finally, it' A moral businessman always pays his tithe A young man becomes a successful businessman very early on in life.
Being a faithful member of the church he always pays his tithe for years and years. He later falls upon hard times and so he talks to his banker.
His banker lets him know that things are worse than the man had realized, he co I have a problem- I can't stop cursing. Whenever the most minor inconvenience happens to me, I just blurt out things like, "Bad luck upon your family for seven days.
For the win A man received a call from the local TV-station. He had signed up for a contest a few days ago and now he was informed that he had been chosen as a potential winner.
The task was simple: reach the TV-station within 15 minutes to win the price. Having just lost his job and withYou've got to think lucky; if you fall into a mud hole, check your back pocket – you might have caught a fish. Darrell Royal. ( – ) American football player & coach. Football Situations Sports Luck. 2/26/ · Bad Luck One Liners; If this is your first visit to the Blackjack Forum, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You will have to r e g i s t e r (free) before you can post: click the r e g i s t e r link to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. Bad One Liners. Remember, a bad one liner can also be a perfect thing to stuck the tension out of the room during the uncomfortable moments of silence. I have 3 kids and no money, why I can’t I have no kids and 3 money. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.